How To Play Tennis......

Let's assume that you've got racquets and stuff eh?
Take a good look at your opponent, stare at him/her.
After you've stared, if you realise you've seen him/her play in any major tournament, shake his/her hand, and kindly surrender. Otherwise go on about your win at the blah blah tournament.
During warm up, say things like "Oh you can do better than that." to the good shots you hit. That'll make 'em think you've got more to come.
If possible, grunt when you hit balls, it can make the opposition annoyed and lose concentration.
If you get a close call, don't do a McEnroe special.
If the opposition happens to be wearing beads in their hair and they fall off during play, your in luck. Any item of clothing which drops during a point gets a warning. The second time it happens, you get a donation of a point.
Don't double fault more than 31 times. You'll get laughed at (Just ask Anna Kournikova).

Also How To.....

Um, may I please ask you to click on my sposor? It'll help me and I'll be motivated to put more stuff on here. Thanks very much.